Kate Middleton to wed Prince William!? SCANDAL IN THE ROYAL FAMILY

Today, in boring stuffy British royalty news, Prince William of Prince Di fame has decided to marry a filthy commoner by the name of Kate Middleton.

As shown in this photograph, it is not clear whether or not Prince William is truly British, due to his very clean almost American-like teeth. I can only conclude that the Royal Family was able to obtain a toothbrush by invading Argentina or something, and that toothbrush was handed down for generations to keep the Royal Mouths clean, and free of Royal Bacteria.

The engagement was announced today, although, apparently, it had been kept secret for some time, because they didn't want people gossiping about... oops.





Well, it's too late now...

I'm already at it, so I might as well beg the question: Did Kate Middleton seduce William into marrying her so she could steal his gold!? Will there be another secret assassination conspiracy!? Is the British Monarchy in peril!? Is the British Monarchy a waste of everybody's time!?

Find out next time, kids. Same bat time, same bat channel.