London, UK - A birth in the Royal Family is so often a joyous occasion in jolly ol' England, but Kate Middleton, that filthy commoner, has defiled Prince William's Royal Penis, whose sperm was ordained by God to only enter the uterus of royalty, not some insolent street-rat. However, much to the dismay of the Kings and Queens across Europe and the globe, some half-blood was born in a London hospital around last Thursday, and is scheduled to be ordained as the heir to the throne on 12/21/12. The Mayans knew this would happen. The ceremony will involve a young virgin being brought before the child, and her throat is to be slit, and the blood to be sprinkled onto the baby's forehead.
The brave citizens of England have been reduced to a quivering mass of trembling blubber in the wake of the Antichrist's birth, but one brave radio station was brave and bravely prank-called the hospital where Kate Middleton was staying, and using a poor impression of the Queen of England, they kindly asked the nurse to smother the baby. The nurse, believing it to actually be the real Queen of England, immediately grabbed a pillow and ran for the delivery room. Upon getting wind of this plot, Middleton relocated the nurse to a cozy cottage in Scotland, where her identity and whereabouts remain unknown, however, it was officially reported that the nurse committed suicide because of the prank call, causing the radio station to get into all sorts of trouble. Middleton laughed wickedly as their careers were destroyed, believing the suicide to be real.
MAY THE TRUTH PREVAIL.
