Justin Bieber: "Nigger"

So this one time, when Justin Bieber was younger, he said "Nigger" or "Nigga" or "Spear-chucking porch monkey" or something of that nature, and it was totally racist. Like REALLY totally literally racist. I mean, that shit was racist as hell. It was so racist that for a moment, I thought the Reverend Al Sharpton was going to have an aneurism when he found out.

In other news, Justin Bieber's song "Baby" saved a black kid's life, which totally isn't BS. That shit actually happened, and now a young boy (who is African-American) is now alive and well, thanks to Justin Bieber's hit single, "Baby". This proves that Justin Bieber is totally not racist and that his music prevents young African-American children from dying. OR MAYBE IT WAS THE VERSE LUDA DROPPED ON THAT SHIT, NIGGA.

Was Real Housewives' Dress Too Small?

The Oscars were not without controversy, because if they were without controversy, they'd be even more boring than usual. Brandi Glanville, from Real Housewives of Compton (or something like that) wore the dress you see above. Some have criticized the dress as being "tacky". Here's my take on it: it should've been smaller. Come on, is it really necessary for celebrities to wear "clothes" these days? I think someday, a celebrity just needs to come to the Oscars completely nude. If no one has the balls to do it, I will become famous, then star in an Academy-award nominated movie just to do it. 

Anyone who didn't like this dress is probably just jealous and a hater and mad and a hater. Life is too short, so wear dresses that are too short. Or not tall enough. Or just take your boobs out. Any of those will work.

#boobs

Wartune: Make love to her now or something.

So I saw this ad for Wartune, a turn-based "strategy" "game", where you can't win unless you pay significant amounts of money for superior items. The game itself combines the over-used formula of city-building, and the over-used formula of mmos.

But I'm going to review this ad, rather than the game, because I'm sure the game sucks ass all by itself. First of all, "love" does not expel darkness, light does. You can't power a light source with love, it just doesn't work like that. Now, of course, everyone knows this, but hey, it sounds kind of catchy, right? No, not really. It's just there to justify the hilariously nonsensical phrase "Make love against the evils with her NOW!" which is meant to confuse dyslexic readers into seeing "Make love to her NOW!" and of course, seeing the scantily-clad, large-titted wench-archer. This has "Evony" written all over it. The city-building, the boobs, the misleading ads. I mean, I could be totally wrong, and this game could've been written by underpaid Cambodian game developers who meant to say "Use love against the evils with her NOW!", however, I still fail to see how using love is applicable in a turn-based strategy game. I also fail to see why she would be used in battle at all, considering how little armor she has to protect her heart and head from incoming missile attacks, or a ferocious ogre's battleaxe. Furthermore, is she even an archer? Why is she operating a crossbow with no gloves? Does she want to get blisters?

Furthermore, which evils am I making love to... I mean against. Or whatever. You know, I'd much rather just make love to her, but since she's not a real person, maybe I'd better just save my time by watching porn or something. I'm not sure I'm the target audience for this game, because I think too much.