EpicX: One Click for a Roman Orgy! CLICK IT, FAGGOT

Well, it's been a busy last couple of weeks, and right now, I guess I could use a Roman Orgy. Luckily, there's a website that offers Roman Orgies, simply for clicking your computer's mouse a single time. I don't see any downside to that. So I clicked my mouse, thinking I was in for some sexy, steamy tangle of naked humanity, and well, I got the 'steamy tangle of naked humanity' part correct, but it was really gross. It was like 80% hairy dudes, who were all sweaty, and were talking about probably the worst subjects of all time: their highest bowling averages, betting on fantasy football,  that weather, the ethics of cannibalism, string theory, beef jerky, and how much they hated their wives. All while having sex with the few females, who all had oversized implants, way too much make-up, fake blonde hair, fake collagen-filled lips, and there was a creepy cameraman with a mustache wearing a golden chain recording the whole thing.

Goddamn it, EpicX. That was some bullshit right there. I demand an apology, and for you to add a clause to your ads that says: "We at EpicX cannot absolutely guarantee the full quality of your orgy, and are not responsible for your sexual satisfaction." Also, what is this?:

Call of Roma? Roman Orgy? One click? Holy mother of squid pussyfuck. That's the exact same ad as EpicX, and even the girl is the same girl. It's like EpicX took that ad from Call of Roma and put their logo on it. Don't even get me started on this Age of Conan bullshit.

Wartune: You Deserve An Orgy!

Hey you. Yes, you. Good job today. I think you deserve an orgy today. It really doesn't matter if you play Wartune, or even bother to find out what it is, the point is: you deserve an orgy today. It could be an orgy with a lot of beautiful women, but then again, I don't know. It could be older women, or even men. It could be interracial. There may be bondage involved, and maybe even a human sacrifice, which could be you, but it could also be someone else. They kind of just pick a random person in the room, so it's always smart to take a bathroom break right before they pick out which person gets their throat cut on the alter of Aphrodite, the goddess of sex, so that she will smell the blood and bless the orgy with her satanic magic. Who knows? I sure don't. The point is, Wartune is an MMO and city-building game mixed, and also, you deserve an orgy today. If anyone tells me you DON'T deserve an orgy, they are sadly mistaken.

I'm back

I think it's time to dust off the old Juicy Celebrity Gossipz blog and do this.

Do this.

Some pretty epic stuff happened while I was on hiatus; Kate Middleton married Prince William, probably to steal his gold, Ryan Dunn died, Amy Winehouse died, that lady who killed her baby was pronounced "not guilty".

Truthfully, (and this is honest truth), I kind of got sidetracked during my trip to England to get close to the royal wedding, but it turns out that royal security is somewhat more competent than the guards in the movies. Kate Middleton's wedding dress was the subject of much speculation, but I had my suspicions what it would look like, which turned out to be correct: her dress was white. I can't even believe I didn't blog about that. I would be rich right now if I made that prediction, because my blog would become famous and I would get my own Celebrity Gossip Talk Show, or at least get on Conan.

Now, my opinion is pretty clear - Kate Middleton tricked Prince William into marrying he; a scumbag commoner off the filthy, soot-stained brick streets of England, in order that she might be able to learn the secret location of Prince William's gold, and then steal it and escape with it to South America. When this happens, don't say I didn't tell you so. Because I did, right there in fake ink, published forever in the glass-fragile servers of Google.com which could die at any second if a Chinese EMP explodes over their headquarters. Not that such a scenario would actually take place; but sometimes you think to yourself "Google is solid. They'll be around forever." and then one day, you wake up, turn on the news, it all crumbles to dust.

C'est la vie. It just makes me happy that I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm doing better than ever - in fact, this could be the best I've ever felt in my whole life - because I just came back from rock bottom, and now is the time for me to put my fist through the world's chest cavity and conquer it, right in the bum!