Showing posts with label MY MOM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label MY MOM. Show all posts

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Report: The Octomom to Act In Porn; Standard Craziness


 This is Nadya Suleman, just your average mother of 14 children. Over the years, really meanie weenie people have questioned whether or not she is able to be a good mother to so many children while working so hard on so many projects, like posing in a bed with a bunch of plastic baby dolls:



 Now we know the answer to that question...














Yes.

Nadya Suleman, with her new-and-improved bionic body, has decided to put her vagina to work once again, but this time, IT'S PERSONAL. Just like any loving mother would, Nadya Suleman has turned to pornography to "liberate herself sexually and feel like a new person" put food on the table for her children. I mean, I wish my mom had done this when I was a kid; then I could maybe get that Sega Genesis I wanted... but it's too late now. I'm all grown-up and realize that Sega Genesis sucks. Sonic The Hedgehog sucks.

And yes, that picture is real, and that is a purple dildo next to some scented candles. Somehow, this picture is even MORE disturbing when it's censored, because if you haven't seen the actual picture, your imagination starts to run wild with what is under those black boxes. Don't. Just don't go down that route. Think about adorable kittens running through tall grass, chasing butterflies to Sarah McLachlan music. That's only advice I can give to you. Erase everything from your mind.

As for the children, initial reports are that no one knows their names, but they will probably never have to worry about ever having these videos of their mom being sent to them as a cruel, cruel high school prank, or needing any kind of counseling for any sort of emotional issues that might arise from living with a single mother who does pornography and reality TV for living with your 13 other siblings, because statistics show that this situation has happened exactly zero times.

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Stupid Girl of The Week: My Mom




















OKAY FOLKS WHO TOLD MY MOM I HAVE A CELEBRITY GOSSIP BLOG? I WILL FILET YOU ALIVE.

Okay, like, like, my mom was like "You think Snooki is hot? She's a tramp! No." and I was like "Shut up mom, I'm 25 years old and don't even live with you anymore!" and she was all like "Doesn't matter, I'm still your mom, and you are not going out with Snooki." and I was like "I didn't say I was going to go out with Snooki, but if I wanted to, I'd be allowed to because you have no right to say that I can't because I'm grown. I'M GROWN." and I jumped out of my chair and started doing a lot of inner-city-style hand-gestures.

If I could give my mom any advice, it would be: SHUT THE FUCK UP

I think me and my mom wouldn't work as a couple because incest is illeg- OH SHIT. Wait, fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. This totally doesn't apply for this piece, now excuse me while I go throw up all these delicious banana pancakes I ate for breakfast.