Hot Girl of The Week: Jodi Arias

Deadly and sexy.

Jodi Arias wasn't a celebrity until she shot and stabbed boyfriend Travis Alexander over 30 times, injuries that killed him. Jodi Arias left tons of evidence at the crime scene including a very clear handprint and time-stamp camera with pictures of her. "No jury is going to convict me. I am innocent, and you can mark my words on that." She declared in an interview confidently. Unfortunately, for Arias, she was not found innocent today.

Now let's put all that aside for a second. She's pretty hot. If she's guilty of any crime, it's the crime of being too sexy. Now, friends and family of Travis Alexander might be upset and say "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? IS BEING BRUTALLY MURDERED SEXY?" and I say to them: if I were going to be brutally murdered, I'd want it to be via some sexy chick that was letting me hit that. Preying Mantis males put up with this sort of thing all the time, and you don't ever hear them complain, do you? 

For Jodi's sentence, her penalty shouldn't be death or life in prison. It should be to let me hit that. Mmm mm, I bet she'd be great in bed. Crazy chicks are always the best. Sane chicks are boring in bed, because they always worry about "consequences" and "reality", but crazy chicks are up for whatever, ya know what I be saying? Now, I know what y'all haters be thinkin right now, "But the Constitution says no cruel or unusual punishments" and I say fuck that shit! Haven't you seen the porn movies? It's actually the usual punishment for schoolgirls who don't do their homework to get it on with their teachers. I'm not sure why that's a punishment, but it just is. 

If I had any advice for Jodi, it would be: People just are hating on you cuz you're beautiful, and also because you killed that guy.

Unfortunately, Jodi and I probably would not make a good couple, because she kills people, and I prefer not being killed. So, while my hormones tell me to insert my penis into her, my brain tells me that this action could and probably will end in a brutal murder (of me). I really can't get along with women who try to kill me. I know that sounds like I'm being picky and snobbish, but I have standards. I know some female murderers might think I'm discriminating and being a dick, like I'm too high-and-mighty to date a lowly murderer, but that's not the case at all. Like every person, I have my personal tastes and likes, and it just so happens that I don't care for women who kill me with a knife. If that makes me sound shallow, I'm sorry, and I know a lot of other guys aren't into killer women, but some are, just not me. Sorry.

I would like to close by showing the Jodi Arias naked picture, enjoy:

Crazy Boxing-Promoter Guy Dies

Long-time Boxing promoter, and adamant avoider of the barber, Don King, died last week, leaving a huge hole in a few people's hearts. King, as seen above holding a bazooka, while standing next to a guy with an M-16 that has a grenade launcher attached, while wearing a diamond-studded cross, and an America-themed suit-and-tie, was one of Boxing's most crazy and least understood individuals. Friends of King, who wanted to remain anonymous said of King, "He sometimes would just say the craziest shit. Like damn... he would just talk some crazy shit, and I'd be like 'nigga what the fuck is you talking about?' cuz I didn't know if he was trippin' or some shit, ya know what I'm saying? Like, we would just be talkin', havin' a normal conversation, and this nigga just starts off about some cosmic shit like from Star Trek or some shit, and is talking about giraffes mating and shit, and what would happen if rocks could talk. That nigga would just never shut up... we would just listen to his shit for hours and then we realize he ain't gonna stop any time soon, so we would just go home and come back the next day and he'd still be talkin' about some goddamn crazy shit like 'the Japanese could be building a robot octopus to beam advertisements into our brains'. What the fuck. Anyway, I think I said too much, so don't mention my name or nothing on your internet page."

The cause of King's death is believed to be linked to the controversial Paquiao vs Bradley fight, in which the reigning champion of the Negative Weight Division, Manny Paquiao, spent approximately 20 minutes of landing blow after terrible blow into Timothy Bradley's miserable body. The fight was stopped, and Timothy Bradley was declared the winner, and the decision made so little sense that Don King decided to cease living, and at approximately 18:30 EST, King was declared dead by medical professionals on the scene.

We will truly miss you.