Naked Hillary Statue: WHY!?

Pictured above is the disrespectful "art" being put on display.

I really can't believe I'm saying this: this election just got weirder. I mean, I know people are passionate about politics, but there are some lines that just should not be crossed. I'm talking about a horribly sexist statue of Hillary Clinton, a former First Lady, Senator, and Secretary of State, and candidate for President of The United States, completely unclothed. I wanted to think that we, as a nation, could afford woman of this stature some dignity, but for the mystery artist, disrespect seems to be the order of the day.

I've presented a picture (above) to show what the statue looks like, but have it blurred out of respect to both my readers and for myself. Despite the gossip-y nature of this publication, we have some pride, and aren't going to show a presidential candidate in the nude for cheap clicks or cheap laughs. I would imagine, somewhere, The Right is chuckling about this tasteless joke. Who finds this funny, though? I, for one, sure do not. Laughing at the anatomy of another human being shows a lack of basic empathy and a taste for cruelty. I know we as people can be unbelievably cruel to each other at times, but I think we need to make a concerted effort to rise above our instinct to insult.

This is not the kind of thing I would want my kids to see in public, either. The audacious indecency of the artist to think placing this in public would warrant an apology normally -- if we knew who the hell did this!

To whoever made this: You should apologize to Hillary Clinton, and stop putting these up. Thank you.

Disney Airs 6 Minutes of Hardcore Porn During 'Lilo & Stitch' For No Explanable Reason

North Carolina - It was a pleasant evening with a blue sky, and a triple rainbow in the sky. Birds were singing and butterflies were flapping their wings in the wind. The temperature was very pleasant and it was the perfect day for Georgie Brown and her unknown number of children, until DISASTER STRUCK. About half-way into a recorded movie of Disney's Lilo & Stitch, everything went to Hell. During one of the most loving and good-spirited Disney movies of all-time, yo, 6 minutes of hardcore pornography splashed onto the screen, leaving Brown's children to sit and stare at a couple doing horrible, horrible (but totally natural) things.

Despite President Obama's pleas for peace, several radical underground groups have begun burning pictures of Walt Disney in the streets, and their bearded leaders have vowed "Massive retaliation that will leave the infidels as a mere memory to be torn from the pages of the history books, which will also be burned." Governor Mitt Romney has already weighed in on the matter, saying "I think the President has been very weak on the Disney crisis, and that ICBMs with thermonuclear warheads should absolutely be utilized in this instance to rain death from above on all those who dare oppose American exceptionalism." 

Meanwhile, Georgie Brown, as seen above with Lilo & Stitch in the background just to be condescending to all of you idiots, is demanding answers, and she will not stop until she gets them. Some sources say that she has even used extremist language of violence, such as "This is pretty unacceptable." and "How did this even happen? This makes no sense." Disney claims that they have no idea what happened, the satellite television provider also has stated: "This is literally impossible. We just have no idea how this could have happened, and none of our employees are the least bit disgruntled or perfidious enough to attempt an anonymous prank, because the local manager most certainly does not verbally abuse them at all, ever."

Officially, nobody knows anything about anything, but experts agree that this situation, although completely unacceptable, is still pretty fucking funny.