IS KRIS KARDASHIAN A BITCH?

Yes.

According to JCG's most top-notch Bitch Experts, Kris Jenner, aka Kris Kardashian, is in fact, a bitch. The source of her bitchiness is yet to be determined, but believe me, we are allocating very few resources to figure out why celebrities have personality problems! Keep 'em coming!

BRUCE TO KRIS: "YOU ONLY CARE ABOUT MONEY."

KRIS: "BRUCE IS UGLY AND I ONLY CARE ABOUT MONEY."

KIM: "I ONLY CARE ABOUT MONEY."

KOURTNEY: "I ALSO ONLY CARE ABOUT MONEY."

BRUCE TO FAMILY: "OUR FAMILY IS RUINED!!!!"

KHLOE: "I STILL ONLY CARE ABOUT MONEY."

BRUCE, IN TEARS: "PLEASE, LET'S JUST BE A FAMILY AGAIN." 


KIM: "I ALSO CARE ABOUT PUBLICITY."


KHLOE: "YEAH, ME TOO."


KRIS: "LOL, ME THREE."


BRUCE, ON HIS KNEES, SOBBING: "COME BACK TO ME! YOU ARE TEARING ME APART LISA!"


KRIS: "WHO IS LISA!?"


BRUCE: "I MEAN KRIS."


KRIS: "I WANT A DIVORCE."


KIM: "IS THERE ANY WAY WE CAN TURN THE DIVORCE INTO A REALITY TV SHOW?"


KRIS: "YOU ARE SO BUSINESS-SAVVY... THAT'S MY GIRL!"


Meanwhile, in Syria...


hundreds gunned down in horrific gunfire... more news at 10.

Another Kardashian Gets Divorced

In Kardashian news, Kourtney Kardashian is probably getting divorced, but who knows if that's the correct Kardashian, or if that's even correct at all. One of them is probably getting married or divorced but the Good Lord only knows.

KIM KARDASHIAN DIVORCE SCANDAL

Well, it's not actually much of a scandal.























After 72 days of holy matrimony, Kim Kardashian and Kris-whats-his-face have signed the divorce papers. The reason was "irreconcilable differences", which means Kris was beating her and prematurely ejaculating. Or maybe Kim was beating him, and she was prematurely ejaculating woman-cum before intercourse, then she would just fall asleep on top of him before he was satisfied.

According to Kim's mother, the marriage was most definitely not just for publicity purposes, because the Kardashians have never done anything just for getting publicity. Never. Ever.

This is just latest celebrity divorce, which always come in a series of threes, and frankly, I don't care that much, because I just want to know about how Herman Cain used to go around grabbing women's boobs back in the day. He just loved grabbing their boobs and going "This is how we say hello where I come from." and the women would reply with "Do you also normally put your hands up the shirt and bra and grab the boobs directly?" and Herman Cain was all like "Hail yeahhh."

What a pimp. I hope he becomes the President, because I believe the main reason you should become President is to get a lot of pussy. Bill Clinton had the right idea, but he didn't take it far enough, and denied he was doing it. The way I believe it should be done is openly, sometimes on live television, and done very often.

But uh, yeah, Kim Kardashian blah blah blah.