Warning: A post reeks of bad judgment. This post.I know what you're thinking. "What a fool." you muse to yourself as you sip your herbal tea and adjust your glasses, because you presume yourself to be an intellectual. Well, you're not. You're a dirty bitch with AIDS. I can do anything I want, because this is America, and anarchy reigns in the streets. The other day, I saw a baby selling cigarettes. I saw a dog with only two legs eating a basketball for nourishment. I saw store owner smash his own window with a piece of furniture
from his own store.
Anyyyyhow, every team needs a rebel; someone who just butts heads with everyone else, possibly due to having their blood infused with ram DNA. The Teenaged Mutant Ninja Turtles had Michelangelo. NWA had Ice Cube.
The View has Elizabeth Hasselbeck, who is the Ice Cube of
The View.
Like most civilized nations, we deal with our anger through physical violence and blind rage and destruction. That's why we love watching Jerry Springer. However, whenever Politics is discussed, it never ends in knives being pulled. Imagine if Alan Colmes stabbed Sean Hannity on live TV. You can't. It just never happens. That is why people have so much penned-up rage when it comes to Politics, because they have no way of constructively channeling their emotions into a single Buddhist Palm technique that leaves a giant handprint-crater in the ground.
Elizabeth Hasselbeck discusses Politics, and therefore, 50% of the population hates her. The other 50% supports her, because they gotta stay true 2 tha game. Well, interestingly enough, I never really gave a damn until a friend explained to me that he found Elizabeth Hasselbeck attractive, and I was all "wuuuuuutttt" but then I had to say that I was inclined to agree with his disposition to initiate his phallic engorgement systems when visualizing her presence. Also, this friend was a hxc conservative who was trying to convince me that we need to carpet bomb Iran, but that's another story for another post. Personally, I don't think dropping carpets on a country that exports Persian Rugs would be very effective; it'd be like using Rock Slide against a Rhynadon.
In short, this has nothing to with politics.
Now with that out of the way, let me just give the facts: Elizabeth Hasselbeck was born sometime around 10 to 50 years ago in a small village in rural Thailand, which was burned by bandits. Hasselbeck was then raised by Tigers in the jungle, and taught to rip raw meat from the bones of an elephant using her teeth. She was then offered a job as a host on
The View, a show where allegedly intelligent women discuss the issues of the day. Hasselbeck quickly bonded with the other ladies of the show, and they all loved her and everyone held hands and danced in a circle while wearing all white, and wearing a ring of flowers on their heads.
If I could give any advice to Elizabeth Hasselbeck, it would be: Never admit you're wrong about anything. As soon as you do, the socialists have won.
I don't think Elizabeth Hasselbeck and myself would be compatible because, to be honest, I would just haul off and smack her. Like, I would just abruptly fly into a Chris Brown level of rage and beat her without mercy or shame.
But not really. That would be wrong. I'm just not into blondes... oh wait... I can't use that excuse... uhm...
Okay, she's just too stupid. There, I said it.
