Hot Girl of The Week: Jodi Arias

Deadly and sexy.

Jodi Arias wasn't a celebrity until she shot and stabbed boyfriend Travis Alexander over 30 times, injuries that killed him. Jodi Arias left tons of evidence at the crime scene including a very clear handprint and time-stamp camera with pictures of her. "No jury is going to convict me. I am innocent, and you can mark my words on that." She declared in an interview confidently. Unfortunately, for Arias, she was not found innocent today.

Now let's put all that aside for a second. She's pretty hot. If she's guilty of any crime, it's the crime of being too sexy. Now, friends and family of Travis Alexander might be upset and say "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? IS BEING BRUTALLY MURDERED SEXY?" and I say to them: if I were going to be brutally murdered, I'd want it to be via some sexy chick that was letting me hit that. Preying Mantis males put up with this sort of thing all the time, and you don't ever hear them complain, do you? 

For Jodi's sentence, her penalty shouldn't be death or life in prison. It should be to let me hit that. Mmm mm, I bet she'd be great in bed. Crazy chicks are always the best. Sane chicks are boring in bed, because they always worry about "consequences" and "reality", but crazy chicks are up for whatever, ya know what I be saying? Now, I know what y'all haters be thinkin right now, "But the Constitution says no cruel or unusual punishments" and I say fuck that shit! Haven't you seen the porn movies? It's actually the usual punishment for schoolgirls who don't do their homework to get it on with their teachers. I'm not sure why that's a punishment, but it just is. 

If I had any advice for Jodi, it would be: People just are hating on you cuz you're beautiful, and also because you killed that guy.

Unfortunately, Jodi and I probably would not make a good couple, because she kills people, and I prefer not being killed. So, while my hormones tell me to insert my penis into her, my brain tells me that this action could and probably will end in a brutal murder (of me). I really can't get along with women who try to kill me. I know that sounds like I'm being picky and snobbish, but I have standards. I know some female murderers might think I'm discriminating and being a dick, like I'm too high-and-mighty to date a lowly murderer, but that's not the case at all. Like every person, I have my personal tastes and likes, and it just so happens that I don't care for women who kill me with a knife. If that makes me sound shallow, I'm sorry, and I know a lot of other guys aren't into killer women, but some are, just not me. Sorry.

I would like to close by showing the Jodi Arias naked picture, enjoy:

Rihanna Explains Why She's Still With Chris Brown

KIM KARDASHIAN DIVORCE SCANDAL

Well, it's not actually much of a scandal.























After 72 days of holy matrimony, Kim Kardashian and Kris-whats-his-face have signed the divorce papers. The reason was "irreconcilable differences", which means Kris was beating her and prematurely ejaculating. Or maybe Kim was beating him, and she was prematurely ejaculating woman-cum before intercourse, then she would just fall asleep on top of him before he was satisfied.

According to Kim's mother, the marriage was most definitely not just for publicity purposes, because the Kardashians have never done anything just for getting publicity. Never. Ever.

This is just latest celebrity divorce, which always come in a series of threes, and frankly, I don't care that much, because I just want to know about how Herman Cain used to go around grabbing women's boobs back in the day. He just loved grabbing their boobs and going "This is how we say hello where I come from." and the women would reply with "Do you also normally put your hands up the shirt and bra and grab the boobs directly?" and Herman Cain was all like "Hail yeahhh."

What a pimp. I hope he becomes the President, because I believe the main reason you should become President is to get a lot of pussy. Bill Clinton had the right idea, but he didn't take it far enough, and denied he was doing it. The way I believe it should be done is openly, sometimes on live television, and done very often.

But uh, yeah, Kim Kardashian blah blah blah.

Hot Girl Of The Week: Rihanna

Every week, I am going to write an article on a hot girl of my choosing. The reason I am doing this is that there is no reason, and the very act of me writing this is a reason unto itself. Also, what if I told you that the mob would put a hit on your head if I told you? What if I told you, it would ruin the mystique?

The honor of the first week's Hot Girl goes to Rihanna:




















Rihanna is a successful R&B singer/secret illuminati member who was born in Barbados about 20-something years ago. She is known for her melodious and soulfully whiny voice, gorgeous soft face, and her constantly-changing hairstyles.

My personal advice to Rihanna would be: gurl, pick a hairstyle like omg lol

I don't think she and I would be compatible as partners because she is currently insanely rich and I am insanely poor. Also, I would probably want to go back to white girls, because you know I loves me the white chocolate, but all-in-all, I'd definitely hit it. For sure.

Also, as a bonus picture, I found this very cool "Manga Rihanna" on FreakingNews: