Ariana Grande Hates America

"May the United States burn in hell" - Ariana Grande

Pop-star, singer, songwriter, movie star. These are just a few words that describe the incredibly talented and beautiful artist in Ariana Grande. However, when it comes to the land of the free, she has some choice words for America, the beautiful. "Fuck America.", Ariana said in an interview with Misinformation Weekly, "This whole country is trash. It's garbage. I hate all of these disgusting people around me, I hate apple pie, and I hate that goddamn flag."

Critics of Ms. Grande have been cited as being 'offended', and one stated that if she disliked living in the United States so pointedly, that she should "just get the fuck out". Grande scoffed at such a proposition, replying, "Wow, you little fuckers. You don't know me. You don't know my life. I will go ham on your lilly asses. You do not want to see me ascend to my final form and vaporize you. I will throw my fucking chicken McNuggets at you, and if I see you in the streets, I'm slapping the shit out of you."

A spokesperson for Ariana Grande gave a much more muted statement, saying,

"While we understand that some people may be upset by Ms. Grande's words, keep in mind that she has every right to her opinion, and you should respect that. You should also know that she's extremely talented, beautiful, and a great singer, and you're just jealous of her. It's jealous people like you that make the world a horrible place. I hope you drown in shit."

Ariana Grande's fans gave a mixed reaction to Ariana's words:

"What the fuck is this article, this is a fucking lie, take this page down if you're going to lie." - Stacy Hillberg, Colorado Springs, CO

"Ariana did NOT ever say that. She only said she hates how Americans are for being so out-of-control with the amount of junk food they consume and she APOLOGIZED for that, so get over it, you asshole. Ugh, you're the kind of person that makes me hate people." - Alice Hernandez, Colorado Springs, CO

"Uhhhh, no? This didn't happen? You can't just make shit up on the internet. That's pathetic. I bet you're a bald, fat, 40-year-old virgin that lives in your mom's basement. You have nothing in life and that's why you're willing to sit down and TALK SHIT about Ariana." - Fillipe Articuno, Colorado Springs, CO

"Delete your blog." - Jenelle Jackson, Colorado Springs, CO

"wtf ur soooo retarded ariana never said that!!! i wish ppl like u would go away forever!!! this seriously makes me want to cry with how mean ppl are in the world!!!" - Jacob Haroldsmann, Colorado Springs, CO

"Why didn't they let me play Donald Trump? Alec Baldwin's Donald Trump impression is garbage compared to mine. Bitch move, SNL." - Darrell Hammond, Colorado Springs, CO

"This is fucking hilarious! You made my day, dude! :D" - Erin Pearson, Colorado Springs, CO

Wartune: Once You're Inside, Your Friends Won't Be Seeing Much of You!

That's right. Wartune was rated by the Entertainment Software Rating Board as Adult for 18+ only. Sorry, kids, I know you were looking forward to playing a pay-to-even-move-your-bowels game that combines the excitement of city-building and rpg-style turn-based battles (think Cloud Strife playing SimCity 9000) but it's now off-limits, so go home and watch your Adventure Time instead. I mean, look at that photo; a woman with horns is holding a human skull and wearing a very revealing leather bikini thing. It's really the ultimate fantasy of any sane, warm-blood human male: sticking your dick into an evil force that seeks only blood and destruction, one that most likely has vagina dentata.

I can't see what's not appealing about this game now. No wonder my friends won't be seeing much of me after playing this game, because I'll be fucking demon-women 24/7 and won't have time to talk about college applications, community volunteering programs, cars, the latest trends in astrophysics, and of course, the motherfucking weather, with my former "friends". I can't wait to start playing this shit. However, I was curious as to why it got the "A" rating, so I decided to look it up and

Oh right, I forgot rule #1 of Wartune ads: everything is bullshit and the game is made of retard.

BORING SHIT

As you may not know, November is National Novel Writing Month, and Nanorimo, as it is known, challenges writers to write their really bad novels all in one month. Once you've done it, you "win"!

Now, as an avid writer of words, I feel like I have an epic novel inside of me full of intrigue, prose, steamy smut scenes, long descriptions of what one could describe as 'action scenes', words, and stuff. Even though November is almost 1/3 over, I am going to write a full-blown novel with 50,000 words. Or more. Probably not, though.

Now, you might be thinking "How are you going to pull that off? That's a lot of words." and my answer is simple. I am going to type really, really fast, and fill some of the chapters with random gibberish as padding, because remember, this arbitrary imaginary challenge posed by some unknown weirdos, who was probably trollin', is most about the quantity of novels it produces, so we're going for sheer volume here.

Now, keep in mind that I haven't even thought about a concept for a book, but I believe that I'm just going to sit down and just start banging out chapters, because that just makes sense.


Oh, also, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, Lindsay Lohan.

PZ!

Lindsay Lohan could go to jail, and that makes me lol

Lindsay Lohan does drugs and is probably going to get thrown into jail because of it, because if there's one thing someone suffering from drugs needs, it's prison. Also love and support from family, but if my dad was Michael Lohan, I'd try to get into prison asap as well.

She will have to join the likes of Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Martha Stewart as big-name celebzzz (with three z's) who got tossed into the can because of their deviant and downright scandalous behavior. All I can say to this whole fiasco is: Oh snap.