Divorce Of The Month: Eva Longoria and Tony Parker

To quote Darth Vader: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!


My sense of stability in this world has been shattered like a fine china plate being dropped out of Bill Gates' personal learjet. If you don't think that analogy makes sense, then just imagine this: I think Bill Gates is so rich that he just buys priceless plates and then throws them out of planes just to impress the Prime Minister of Japan.

Anyhow, Eva Longoria of Desperate Housewives famez and Tony Parker, who does something, like cricket or some sporty thing, were wed in July of 2007 in a fairy-tale-ish Paris wedding that left everyone in tears from it's beauty. Three years later, they were like, "Screw it." and decided to get divorced for political reasons, proving once again that celebrity marriages are part of a secret Russian plot. This comes on the heels of Mel Gibson's bitter custody battle with Oksana Akinshina or someone Russian, which also adds to the mounting evidence that the Russians are involved and that a very elaborate Bourne-Identity-like espionage battle is taking place behind the scenes, so if you see a car chase involving several black vans chasing a Cadillac going backwards on a winding highway in Milan, where all the parties involved are shooting at each other, ending in a car pile-up and/or explosion, you know why.

There is a very funny side to this sad story though; both Longoria and Parker got tattoos of each other's names on themselves, so the writers of Desperate Housewives may have to write something into the script to explain why Gabrielle suddenly has laser scars all over the back of her neck, probably involving alien abduction, because to be honest, that show is getting really weird. It's kind of like what happens when the ratings go down, and the writers have to amp up the ridiculousness factor because they're getting uh... gosh, what's the word? I can't think of it.

In conclusion, WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH