Hot Girl of The Week: Michelle Malkin

Look, Conservative bitches just do it better in bed. Not that Michelle Malkin is a bitch. She is a beautiful human being, who just happens to agree with absolutely everything hard-right Republicans do. Should we all have AR-15s? You betcha. Mexicans? Get them outta here. Muslims? Get the AR-15s. Et cetera. Also, there is the undeniable fact that Michelle Malkin is Asian, and I have only two weaknesses: candy and Asian women. Also, I'm afraid of centipedes, but I digress. Michelle Malkin is a very little-known Conservative blogger, which you would think would be a total turn-off to me, since I'm a hardcore liberal hollywood blogger who loves celebz, but somehow, she just gets my buttcheeks hard. Now, other liberals love to be haters on Michelle because their red-star berets are cutting off circulation to their brain cells, and they're missing out on the fact that she's beautiful. Just because she goes on Fox News to tell everyone how bad Obama is doesn't make her any less Asian, and any less sexy. Besides, Obama probably is selling the US Nuclear Arsenal to Belgium so he can get 24-inch chrome rims on his ride.

If I could give any advice to Michelle Malkin, it would be: You should sing the hook in a rap song.

Unfortunately, I do not think Michelle Malkin and myself would last long as a couple, sadly enough. First of all, she has my ex-girlfriend's name, and that could get weird. Second of all, Michelle is also the President's wife's name, so it could get doubly weird, especially if we did some bizarre political-sex roleplay scenario where I put on black-face and fuck her as Barack Obama. Then, as we're having sex, she'd say, in between panting and moaning, "This is an allegory for what Mr. Obama is doing to this country. He's fucking us. He's fucking us hard. Oh oh, don't stop, Mr. President." and I'd be all like "What the shit is this fuck?" and my buttcheeks would immediately go flaccid and it'd all be over. I just don't want to go through that. I don't think I'm emotionally ready for that right now in my life. I'm sorry.

BONUS POSTER!

Alright, time for some gossip

Oh my God, you guys. I cannot believe that I am about to drop some real gossip right now. These following posts are about to blow your mind.

You can only brace yourself for the sheer power of these words by holding onto something solid, like a stripper pole. You have been warned.

As you can see, I now have a snazzy logo which I designed myself for maximum pinkness. I also color-coordinated the page's other pinks to match the title pinks. Think of the implications of this. If I had done say, pink and purple (Which totally don't match), then you'd be like "Ah, you don't know what you're talking aboot, eh." but since the pinks now match, the legitimacy of my words has gone up by 9999%. That is like, a lot.

I also wrote a long disclaimer on my site to prevent Evony from suing me. I know that Evony occasionally sues bloggers, so I decided to play on the side of litigious safety, and scrap that contract with the public together, along with my crack team of imaginary attorneys, who are all weasels. Adorable, furry weasels.

viva la revolucion!