Arizona Shooter's Rant Translated!

A couple days ago, there was a truly horrendous shooting that took place in Arizona. Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords, along with 14 other people, were shot at point blank range when a gunman began opening fire during a "meet and greet" session being held by the Congresswoman.

The shooter, 22-year-old Jared Loughner, released a series of videos before the shooting talking about something, which has stumped and mystified experts in the media and in various academic circles. I'm not sure why academics create circles, or what happens in those circles, but that's not important. What's important is that I am going to translate what Loughner's rants actually mean!

"Firstly, the current government officials are in power for their currency, but I'm informing you for your new currency! If you're treasurer of a new money system, then you're responsible for the distributing of a new currency. We now know - the treasurer for a new money system, is the distributor of the new currency. As a result, the people approve a new money system which is promising new information that's accurate, and we truly believe in a new currency. Above all, you have your new currency, listener? "

What this means is that we vote people into office because we subliminally think that they will put their face on the dollar bills, and so we pick the most attractive candidate so that our dollar bills won't be ugly.

Loughner also goes onto say that because some treasurer (who could be me, or someone else. he just says 'you', so I assumed he was speaking directly to me, kind of like the people in commercials do) is going to make a new kind of money, "the people" approve of it. Well, that makes perfect sense to me. If I made a new kind of money, I expect people to approve of it. That's just common sense. You don't want to be rude and say my new money sucks.

"Secondly, my hope - is for you to be literate! If you're literate in English grammar, then you comprehend English grammar. The majority of people, who reside in District 8, are illiterate - hilarious. I don't control your English grammar structure, but you control your English grammar structure."

Pretty straightforward. Loughner is being sarcastic and is joking about his illiteracy. Obviously, you don't just throw a random dash into the middle of a sentence for no reason, and then follow it with a redundancy like "If you know English, then you understand English".

He mentions the prawns of District 8 being illiterate. He obviously did extensive research to come to that conclusion.

He then mentions how he doesn't control the structure of my grammar, which I didn't realize. Up until this point, I was sure he was controlling my grammar's structure, but then he let me know that no, he doesn't. I do. I control my own grammar structure, and can arrange sentences in any manner I choose, like this: bob hi name my, outside building go want to orange juice?

"Thirdly, I know who's listening: Government Officials, and the People. Nearly all the people, who don't know this accurate information of a new currency, aren't aware of mind and brainwash methods. If I have my civil rights, then this message wouldn't have happen."

Also fairly straightforward: Big Brother brainwashed you through Jay-Z music and now you can't comprehend having a new currency.

Major English grammar mistake: Ending a verb with an improper future-tense.

"In conclusion, my ambition - is for informing literate dreamers about a new currency; in a few days, you know I'm conscience dreaming! Thank you!"

Again, a completely random and unnecessary hyphen/dash in a sentence for no reason. Then again, The Government probably brainwashed me into believing I can't just throw punctuation into my sentence in a manner that defies logic or explanation.

Finally, he says that in a few days, he will go on a killing spree while sleep walking, because if you tell everyone that you're sleepwalking in advance, they can't really blame you for your actions legally, because you didn't even know you were doing it.


There are more rants, and here are a few highlights from them:

"If the B.C.E. years are unable to start, then the A.D.E. years are unable to begin."

This simply means that if the years before Christ's birth did not happen, then the years afterwards would also not happen, because the past has to happen before the present. Duh.

"The argument to call me a terrorist is Ad hominem"

This means if you call him a "terrorist", then you are ignoring the facts (that he uses violence to spread a radical message) and are focusing on attacking his character.

"If I'm the mind controller, then I control the belief and the religion."

Another "Well, duh" moment.



I would like to close a serious note though, because even though his rants rival Cho Seung-Hui's in terms of sheer craziness (To a point where's it's quite comical), there is obviously a very real tragedy that happened.

I myself have serious concerns about the currency of the United States because of inflation, but I would never shoot anyone, or behave violently because of it -- because that's just nuts -- and I would encourage everyone with similar concerns to approach the subject calmly, and with an objective and peaceful solution that you are willing to work hard for.

The Government isn't brainwashing us. If they were, then they would tell us that Democracy is evil, and that following a dictator is good, and then take over the country. Some people are so egotistical though, that they believe everyone else to be intellectually inferior, and think they've uncovered some amazing secret about society that nobody else sees because we're all just a bunch of brainwashed morons.

I personally feel very sad for everyone who lost family members, and I really hope the outpouring of compassion towards them will help bring them some comfort. I also hope the best for the Congresswoman, and hope she makes a full recovery. I could say that I hope that nothing like this ever happens again, but that would be naive; tragedies are part of life, and will continue to happen despite our best efforts. I'm not even sure we get really "get" something out of this or even learn from it. The only thing I hope for, personally, is that the people who are injured will survive and recover, and that the people who have lost loved ones be comforted.