Special Report: Uma Thurman's Pussy Sighted

12:29 Cali time - Uma Thurman's pussy was spotted on the beach by trained photographers, who captured the pussy on film for the purpose of publication the other day, prompting a firestorm of controversy. "Holy shit," Jacob Jameson, a Professional Cinematographer and Photographical Artist said last Thursday, "I totally saw Uma Thurman's pussy. Like... it was Uma Thurman... but with her pussy exposed." Other observers, like 18-year-old intern photographer Wayne Turnpike, reported similar accounts of what they saw that fateful day. "It was like," Turnpike explained, clearly still excited, "It was Uma Thurman, but with nothing covering the bottom part of her. I've never seen anything like this." However, there are skeptics. A spokesman for the U.S. Air Force Intelligence Branch said during a press conference "What you saw was probably the planet Venus, which often takes on the appearance of celebrity clitoris in certain lights. It's also quite possible what you saw was a small Cessna Jetliner, or even a weather balloon, which you have mistaken for Uma Thurman's pussy." This dismal dismissal was met with criticism by witnesses who observed the event firsthand. "I know what I saw." Turnpike protested, "It wasn't the planet Venus or a weather balloon. It was definitely Uma Thurman's pussy. I know a pussy when I see one, and this was definitely one that belonged to Uma Thurman. Such a condescending explanation is very patronizing and upsetting, and I am personally appalled by the U.S. Government's lack of response to the situation which is quite clearly been proven to be happening between Uma Thurman's legs."

Umathurmanpussyologists have offered an explanation for the dismissal though, saying, "If civilization saw Uma Thurman's pussy, think about the implications on society. Religion would be meaningless. There would be mass panic, and ejaculate flowing in the streets."

The alleged picture, taken by professional Stalkerazzi ninjas, followed Thurman to a remote and secret island which isn't even on standard geography maps (As a secret getaway for celebrities who want to be left alone) and spotted Thurman on the beach, lifting her skirt, which reportedly revealed her pussy. "It was almost like she wanted us to see her pussy." an anonymous Stalkerazzi cameraman said, adding: "Why else would she fly to a secret island?"