Long-time Boxing promoter, and adamant avoider of the barber, Don King, died last week, leaving a huge hole in a few people's hearts. King, as seen above holding a bazooka, while standing next to a guy with an M-16 that has a grenade launcher attached, while wearing a diamond-studded cross, and an America-themed suit-and-tie, was one of Boxing's most crazy and least understood individuals. Friends of King, who wanted to remain anonymous said of King, "He sometimes would just say the craziest shit. Like damn... he would just talk some crazy shit, and I'd be like 'nigga what the fuck is you talking about?' cuz I didn't know if he was trippin' or some shit, ya know what I'm saying? Like, we would just be talkin', havin' a normal conversation, and this nigga just starts off about some cosmic shit like from Star Trek or some shit, and is talking about giraffes mating and shit, and what would happen if rocks could talk. That nigga would just never shut up... we would just listen to his shit for hours and then we realize he ain't gonna stop any time soon, so we would just go home and come back the next day and he'd still be talkin' about some goddamn crazy shit like 'the Japanese could be building a robot octopus to beam advertisements into our brains'. What the fuck. Anyway, I think I said too much, so don't mention my name or nothing on your internet page."
The cause of King's death is believed to be linked to the controversial Paquiao vs Bradley fight, in which the reigning champion of the Negative Weight Division, Manny Paquiao, spent approximately 20 minutes of landing blow after terrible blow into Timothy Bradley's miserable body. The fight was stopped, and Timothy Bradley was declared the winner, and the decision made so little sense that Don King decided to cease living, and at approximately 18:30 EST, King was declared dead by medical professionals on the scene.
We will truly miss you.
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