The post that is just one letter.

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Hot Girl Of The Week: Rihanna

Every week, I am going to write an article on a hot girl of my choosing. The reason I am doing this is that there is no reason, and the very act of me writing this is a reason unto itself. Also, what if I told you that the mob would put a hit on your head if I told you? What if I told you, it would ruin the mystique?

The honor of the first week's Hot Girl goes to Rihanna:




















Rihanna is a successful R&B singer/secret illuminati member who was born in Barbados about 20-something years ago. She is known for her melodious and soulfully whiny voice, gorgeous soft face, and her constantly-changing hairstyles.

My personal advice to Rihanna would be: gurl, pick a hairstyle like omg lol

I don't think she and I would be compatible as partners because she is currently insanely rich and I am insanely poor. Also, I would probably want to go back to white girls, because you know I loves me the white chocolate, but all-in-all, I'd definitely hit it. For sure.

Also, as a bonus picture, I found this very cool "Manga Rihanna" on FreakingNews:

Best Movie Tagline of The Year, and by "best", I mean Worst

It's 2010, a more progressive year (Much to Glenn Beck's horror) and Rogue films delivers My Soul To Take, a movie that dares to ask that question that we've all been thinking for years: "If something is evil enough, can it come back to life?"

Well, duh. This is why doctors shock people back to life with 240 volts of pure evil when resuscitating their hearts.

Here is the trailer:



Note: You may notice it's too large to fit into my blog. I refuse to do anything about that.

It starts off with Hagrid killing Justin Bieber in the middle of the night and throwing him off a bridge, which turns out to simply be just a really good dream. The primary character, who is probably played by Aaron Carter or someone, explains to us that his hometown is known for maple syrup, competitive breakdance, and a brutal serial killer. A blonde girl is shown, because the movie needs some underaged jail-bait eye candy. The title character explains that the Unibomber or whatever killed 7 people in that town and died the same day that 7 of the kids were born, which is a pretty eerie coincidence that their 14 parents were all copulating exactly 9 months before that exact day... on the day Kennedy was assassinated!? DUN DUN DUN.

More stuff happens, and the gothy chick insinuates that the title character is gay or something, but he denies being gay, and all this leads to an epic knife-fight final battle with Hagrid at the end of the movie, which also causes an ambulance to flip while driving at a very high speed.

A sure winner, I give it like 39 stars.

Starting a beef with a celebrity

To become Hollywood's most hated blogger, I can't just go around outing Ryan Seacrest and the guy who plays Allen in Two And a Half Men as gay. That's peanuts compared to the level of animosity I have to arouse in Hollywood to become universally reviled, necessitating a hit being put on my head.

I have to start a beef with a major celebrity for no reason, and it also has to be someone who is loved by millions. This will make me seem really cool. Major magazines will do whole interviews just to ask me about this epic feud, because it's just going be that epic.

I'm not sure who it's going to be yet, but believe me, when I decide, you'll be all "WHAAAAAAAT!"

Rick Sanchez fired from CNN for being a damn racist!

Uh oh, fire up the blogging machine, because there's controversies all over the good name of cable news once again.

Rick Sanchez, an anchor on some CNN show, was fired the other day for comments he made that set off a firestorm of ding-dang cotton-picking blogs and riots across L.A.

He must've said something really bad, like "You know what's crazy about America? I eat Chinese food that's made in a kitchen by Mexicans who work for a Jewish owner." because that would be really crazy. If I said something like that, it'd be like Dr. Laura covering a Jay-Z album on live television at the Superbowl, and Al Sharpton would demand Google shut down my page asap.

Shame on all y'all racists.

Lindsay Lohan could go to jail, and that makes me lol

Lindsay Lohan does drugs and is probably going to get thrown into jail because of it, because if there's one thing someone suffering from drugs needs, it's prison. Also love and support from family, but if my dad was Michael Lohan, I'd try to get into prison asap as well.

She will have to join the likes of Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie and Martha Stewart as big-name celebzzz (with three z's) who got tossed into the can because of their deviant and downright scandalous behavior. All I can say to this whole fiasco is: Oh snap.

Justin Bieber!?

WHAT!?

JUSTIN BIEBER? WTF!?

WTF!!!!
WTF!!!!!!!

JUSTIN BIEBER? SERIOUSLY?

WHAT?
WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!
OMG! WTF!

Alright, time for some gossip

Oh my God, you guys. I cannot believe that I am about to drop some real gossip right now. These following posts are about to blow your mind.

You can only brace yourself for the sheer power of these words by holding onto something solid, like a stripper pole. You have been warned.

As you can see, I now have a snazzy logo which I designed myself for maximum pinkness. I also color-coordinated the page's other pinks to match the title pinks. Think of the implications of this. If I had done say, pink and purple (Which totally don't match), then you'd be like "Ah, you don't know what you're talking aboot, eh." but since the pinks now match, the legitimacy of my words has gone up by 9999%. That is like, a lot.

I also wrote a long disclaimer on my site to prevent Evony from suing me. I know that Evony occasionally sues bloggers, so I decided to play on the side of litigious safety, and scrap that contract with the public together, along with my crack team of imaginary attorneys, who are all weasels. Adorable, furry weasels.

viva la revolucion!

Important Announcement

That faaaaabulous pink star was supplied by: http://www.everylayout.com/

Possible Title Fonts

Alba: Considering it because it's very groovy

Knuckle Down: Considering it because it's also very groovy.

Chick: Gross flower dots the i's, and even though this blog is pretty gay, I'm not that gay.

Teaspoon: Considering it because it happens to be very groovy.


This will be a very difficult, and life-changing decision, so I may have to sleep on it, or possibly, sleep with it.