Khloe Kardashian Refuses To Have Talent

Khloe Kardashian (seen above) is famous for being the sister of a girl who starred in a homemade porno video whose parents were involved in the OJ Simpson trial.

It's hard to keep up with the.... NO I'M NOT USING THAT PLAY ON WORDS. YOU CAN'T PAY ME ENOUGH FOR THAT SHIT. After a reality show, radio show, singing career, hosting a television show, Khloe Kardashian is facing a unique set of problems: She isn't Kim or Kourtney, and the entertainment industry requires talent, which Khloe lacks. She just appears to be a glorified homeless person in the Hollywood scene, begging for gigs. No, hold on. That wasn't mean enough. She's like a slut who seems to be willing to suck any floppy old dick just to keep her pathetic existence vaguely on the radar of America. 

Hm, that still wasn't mean enough. Okay, let's try this: Khloe Kardashian is the shit stain on the carpet of Hollywood that just will not come up, even after being blasted many times with Oxyclean. Wait, hold on. The floppy dick one seemed meaner, actually, and people are counting on me to deliver the bite that only a rabid attack-dog journalist can deliver; Khloe Kardashian is possibly the most mentally-retarded crack baby slut whore who sucks AIDS-infested, shit-covered, brown-semen-spitting wrinkly ancient dicks just because her life is a piece of trash manifesting itself in human form.

You know what? I really feel like I can do this. Let me just try one more time: If Andy Dick got AIDS, then ate a newborn baby with szechuan sauce, then shit that out into a raccoon's mouth, then a homeless guy collected that raccoon's fleas, mashed them into a ball and ate them while smearing the raccoon's guts all over his body in an underwater genetic-testing chamber while being blasted with gamma rays and diarrhea, and living on a strict diet of pig vomit and phlegm, his shit would be Khloe Kardashian, whose career consists of ripping apart the very fabric existence by defying God and continuing to felching out of the assholes of sumos who are covered in slime because they never shower, just so she can continue to curse everyone's very beings with her incessant fucking pathetic uselessness that contaminates any sane or decent human being's means of perception. Anything she looks at transmogrifies into diarrhea and then explodes all over the place, and her baby is already smoking crystal meth because she puts a meth pipe in it's mouth instead of a bottle, as she is a unequivocally horrendous mother who is raising her children to grow up to become rapists and murderers. Just kidding, all of that would be a step up from where she is right now, that fucking worthless cunt, that living bucket of polar bear shit, that bitch-ass talentless dumpster slut who needs to get eaten by a tyrannosaur.

Yikes, I feel like an asshole after writing that. But that's the internet. You have to be outrageously mean for no reason at all or else you're just not doing it right.