According to like, everyone, Lindsay Lohan was arrest yet again around last Thursday for what can only be described as "The crime of the century" by master detective Sherlock Holmes. According to Holmes, Ms. Lohan was plotting to steal the Crown Jewels by impersonating the Queen of England. Purportedly, Lohan's plan was to age extremely rapidly by smoking an obscene amount of cigarettes and illegal drugs, such as the marijuanas, and other lethal drugs that can kill you instantly. Then, when she was to reach the appearance of an 80-year-old woman, she was to dress up as the Queen herself, and simply walk into Buckingham Palace, where that tramp Kate Middleton resides, and steal the Crown Jewels, and I'm not talking about Prince Charles' testicles.
According to Perez Hilton of PerezHilton.org/unicornboy34, the solution to Lindsay Lohan's misbehavior is to "lock her up". Well, I say this to you all: Lindsay Lohan is an amazing actress and a semi-beautiful young attractive woman, and therefore, no jail time should be allotted to her. She is not black, nor an unattractive male, some I think we need to show some leeway in throwing down these ridiculous sentences on her being shouted by some crazed lynch-mob that is probably just made up of confused WTO protesters who got lost.
Clearly, the only good solution is to execute her via firing squad. No trial, no rehab, none of this silliness. Of course, this practice is illegal in the United States, so we may have to use our CIA connections with some god-awful third-world regime to do the dirty deed.
Disclaimer: This is not serious. Please do not think I am legitimately suggesting anyone should be shot, but since the world is full of litigious morons, I have to put this here.
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