Breaking News: Miley Cyrus Cuts Hair Really Poorly

Miley. For years, she just been a simple country gal with really messed-up teeth who did a little bit of pole-dancing here and there. But in recent days, crack has come into the picture. Yes, folks, we can confirm that Miley Cyrus has inhaled a large amount of crack cocaine, because damn, look at that hair-cut. Miley's father, Billy Ray Cyrus, who rose to fame during the 80s or 90s or some shit with his single "Honky Tonk, Badonkadonk", a lovely little ditty about having sex with large-assed women, has come forward and has said "Nobody better make fun of my daughter, because she is a precious little angel." to reporters before heading back to his trailer with a couple of groupies at his side. There is no word yet on whether or not the groupies are anyone's daughters.

Brace yeself brethren, for a new dawn bringth a new age! Indeed! For twas our forefathers who spoketh forth of a time such as this, for us to embrace like a she-wolf coddling her cubs - this beast, this villainy that dare declare itself to be the crown of Miley; condemned be any man, woman or child who doth not make mockery of such crockery! Ye, even the rodents beneath our feet crow thine air with laughter and ye best harken to this cacophony, for it is a blessing to the ear of all whom hear it! To what end does this maiden vex our continence wit thou craven malmsey-nosed scullian! Thy hair tis is like the toad; ugly and venomous. Thou art a wench of the lowest regard, thine hair is that of the gorgons - NAY - that of Medusa herself, queen of hideousness, who cradles serpents upon her head.

Miley has turned into a crazy girl, like this one here. If you see her, run.

This latest unusual Hollywood hair-cut is seen by Celebrity Analysts as a sign of repressed craziness, which is often revealed early by warning signs, often marked by odd behavior, insane hair-cuts, criminal acts, acts of random lewdness, sudden habitual sex addiction and drug/alcohol usage, and sudden but entirely unexpected marriages. Dr. Kurt Von Weinerschnozel, a senior researcher for the U.S. Institute for the Study of Celebrity Behavior, commented on Saturday, stating, "Yo, dat haircut is fucked-up, yo. Dat bitch crazy. She must be smokin' crack or somethin'." which was enough to set off a firestorm of questions surrounding the personal life of Miley Cyrus. Fans of Miley have come to love her "all-American girl" look, which was actually quite generic while aesthetically-pleasing, and a very non-assuming demeanor that was both boring as fuck, and meanwhile, "safe for the whole family". As such, we here at JCG and other Celeb Magazines expect nothing short of perfection, and although technically, Miley Cyrus has not broken any laws or acted unethically with her haircut, we would like to maintain that we believe she is crazy and nuts and is probably smoking crack.