I'm back

I think it's time to dust off the old Juicy Celebrity Gossipz blog and do this.

Do this.

Some pretty epic stuff happened while I was on hiatus; Kate Middleton married Prince William, probably to steal his gold, Ryan Dunn died, Amy Winehouse died, that lady who killed her baby was pronounced "not guilty".

Truthfully, (and this is honest truth), I kind of got sidetracked during my trip to England to get close to the royal wedding, but it turns out that royal security is somewhat more competent than the guards in the movies. Kate Middleton's wedding dress was the subject of much speculation, but I had my suspicions what it would look like, which turned out to be correct: her dress was white. I can't even believe I didn't blog about that. I would be rich right now if I made that prediction, because my blog would become famous and I would get my own Celebrity Gossip Talk Show, or at least get on Conan.

Now, my opinion is pretty clear - Kate Middleton tricked Prince William into marrying he; a scumbag commoner off the filthy, soot-stained brick streets of England, in order that she might be able to learn the secret location of Prince William's gold, and then steal it and escape with it to South America. When this happens, don't say I didn't tell you so. Because I did, right there in fake ink, published forever in the glass-fragile servers of Google.com which could die at any second if a Chinese EMP explodes over their headquarters. Not that such a scenario would actually take place; but sometimes you think to yourself "Google is solid. They'll be around forever." and then one day, you wake up, turn on the news, it all crumbles to dust.

C'est la vie. It just makes me happy that I'm here, I'm alive, and I'm doing better than ever - in fact, this could be the best I've ever felt in my whole life - because I just came back from rock bottom, and now is the time for me to put my fist through the world's chest cavity and conquer it, right in the bum!