Psy: THE CHOSEN ONE TO SLAY THE BIEBER

Justin Bieber, being gunned down by police after opening fire.

Psy, walking away from Justin Bieber's destroyed career.

Psy. Of all the heroes of the internet, never has one been so unlikely, and yet, so amazingly heroic at the same time. When all seemed lost, when the cancer of Justin Bieber's "Baby" music video was reaching unhealthy power in it's wake, even the lengthiness of the red on the like/dislike bar was not enough to deter JB's rabid and snake-like fans from declaring him number one, when clearly, he is number two. Well, now it's literal. Actually, it was literal before, but less literal than it is now. Let's just be clear: the level of literalness concerning JB's status as number two has now been elevated to Code Holy Shit now that an amazing k-pop sanger from the Republic of Korea (That's the good korea, not the bad one) smashed Justin Bieber with his bombshell song, "Gangnam Style". Unlike Bieber's meaningless drivel, Gangnam Style has a soul to it, a meaning, and most importantly of all, it stands supreme atop a glorious mountain of burning bodies, all of them the carcasses of former Justin Bieber fans.

Justin Bieber could not be reached for comment, as he was busy being destroyed, and hit with water-bottles at concerts. The rapper Nas commented, saying, "Good thing Psy showed up, cuz I would've had to drop another Ether on JB. Think about that shit. Two Ethers in one career. Someone had to destroy that kid's career." Indeed, Psy's horse-dance, which he used in a parking garage dance-battle against some kid in a yellow suit, has Ethered Justin Bieber, effectively smashing the young pop icon's career like Willem DaFoe's nuts with a hammer! That comparison may be a bit unfair; Justin Bieber is known to have been born without testicles as part of a rare medical condition which is now known as Bieber's Disease, which millions of people around the world have been tested to be suffering from. Bieber's Disease is very dangerous and can infect the brain cavity quickly, and is generally closely associated with Bieber Fever. If you are hospitalized, you will probably be met by Dr. House, who will look at you sternly and tell one of the assistant doctors "Fill his/her bloodstream with as much potassium as possible." The other doctor would look curious and ask "Potassium? Why?" to which Dr. House would say "Because that's what they make cyanide with. Don't they teach you anything in that dirt hole known as 'medical school' anymore?"