Wearing a Hoodie Makes You a Criminal.

"Hide yo kids, hide yo wife, cuz they shootin' errbody out here."
- Geraldo Rivera, on The O'Reilly Factor

Somewhere, Florida - A tragedy of unspeakable horror has gripped the nation's attention; 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was walking home with a bag of candy in one hand, and a soda in the other. Not a gun. A soda.

He was also wearing a hoodie.

George Zimmerman, a local guy person, spotted Martin walking through the gated community and seeing that young Trayvon Martin was a young black man with a hoodie, knew that something was amiss. So he shot him.

This story exploded overnight all over the face of the public media, sparking a controversy about Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law, which states: "Yo, if a muhfucka run up on you, you don't got no time to think. Toast dat muhfucka." which basically means that, if you feel threatened and feel like the person threatening you will probably kill and/or rape you, you have the right to shoot them until they die. Zimmerman claims that he was merely acting upon this right, even though he called the police, and the police specifically told him not to pursue Martin, and then he did anyhow, and then shot him.

On Bill O'Reilly self-named cable program, The O'Reilly Factor, guest commentator Geraldo Rivera made the following statement: "When I see a colored person wearing a hooded sweat shirt, I get really, really scared. Cold sweat starts to build on the back of my neck and my mustache begins to twitch. If blacks don't want to get shot, they need to quit freaking us white folks out by wearing hoodies. This goes for Mexicans, or Latinos, or whatever you'd call them... these people need to realize that if they wear a hoodie, it makes them look like a criminal and then we [white people] are probably going to shoot a nig- I mean black person. When you see a kid in a hoodie, what's the first thing you think of? Getting raped by black people and having to carry the shame of having a half-negro baby in your womb for 9 months. Make no mistake; they will rape the men too. I remember in 1992, a black man wearing sweatpants offered me a hotdog. I remember thinking 'A hotdog? That sounds delicious... HEY WAIT A MINUTE! He probably means his huge black dick raping me! He has sweatpants on, too, so it'll be easy to quickly rape me, then get his pants back on in time so nobody will even know what transpired.' so thinking quickly, I blew into my rape whistle, then unloaded an entire can of bear-mace into his eyes. It was actually kind of heroic, and even a little bit fun, although the hotdog stand's manager was visibly upset afterwards. I maced him too. He wasn't black or latino or anything, but I was just still kind of pissed off about the whole 'Al Capone's vault' fiasco."

Geraldo Rivera quickly apologized for these statements, later saying "lol, I was just trollin'"


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