Insane Anti-Justin Bieber Post

Or is it the greatest expression of sanity?

A portrait of Justin Bieber, who has become the most reviled human being in the world.

I want to be fair. So I will. I used to respect Ludacris, until he appeared in Fred Claus and collaborated with Justin Bieber, and now I'm setting autographed copies of Chicken N Beer on fire in my front yard despite warnings from the city zoning commission to stop. I know Justin is just a kid, and doesn't deserve such bitter resentment, personal hatred, death threats, and unwarranted slander, but I think you should know when to say when, even if you're just a kid. How in the holy name of fuck can Justin Bieber think it's prudent to continue his singing career after facing an overwhelming backlash like the world has never seen? How can his parents think it's okay to continue letting Justin Bieber endure a barrage of ad hominem attacks without pulling the plug on the whole operation out of fear that their son will cut his own throat open with a chainsaw out of sheer frustration!? Although many angry, pitch-fork-waving minions of hell will disagree with me, I don't want to see that happen.

Please, Justin, if you happen to read this, I implore you to do the following:

• 1) Please end your music career asaply.
• 2) Tell Usher to fuck off.
• 3) Go into the woods to hunt and eat a wild boar.
• 4) Give one solemn apology to everyone in the world.
• 5) Do not commit suicide or start doing drugs. Remember that life can be awesome even if you're not famous and rich.

And now, the angry Youtube comments. Youtube is a particularly angry community, and even posting something cool can provoke their unwarranted ire. Enjoy:

Just came for my daily dislike.

HatrixTron 13 minutes ago

Thumbs up if u wan Justin Bieber to Die

DarkDevilx3 54 minutes ago

TACTICAL MUTE INCOMING!!!

charmingsparow 1 hour ago

the superdong is displeased with the level of hilarity here

superdong666 3 hours ago

Justin bieber should make a cover of Beyonce's song "If I were a boy".

OctoberRust96 5 hours ago

a typical fan:

i think 2 come on here and call justin bieber a c*** and want him to die is horrorfying. when my mum took a glimpse of this comment section she nearly cried, because of all of this bullying towards one human being.

get a life u fucking pathetic losers. nobody deserves this shit and i think deep down u all know it.

Joshsgirlxx 8 hours ago

Just asked my barber for a Justin Bieber haircut.

Fucking twat just shaved my pubes off.

007tylord 11 hours ago

Why do you insult her?? She's a very beautiful girl...:O

TheCaesar1995 15 hours ago

Pause the video, look at the likes and not likes, and leave.

SuperMegaHallo 17 hours ago

I knew it! Drugs! He's on drugs. That's the only way someone could sing the songs he do and live with it. Drugs or insanity. Had he not used drugs i guess he would have buckled under long ago.

TheLordofNorwegians 22 hours ago

etc.

Now, I'm not going to go "DIE BIEBER U SUCK FUCK U" because that's been done 7 trillion times and is downright tacky and unnecessarily cruel. I'm classy on Thursdays. His music, however, is fair game.

Keep in mind, that I'm not "jealous" of Justin Bieber. Only a dunce could come up with that mental connection; I have no problem with people being successful. Mr. Bieber is actually a marginally decent singer, but the songs that have been penned for him are garbage. Actually, 'garbage' is an understatement because if his songs were materialized, landfills would literally become sentient and reject Bieber's music from their confines for being too filthy to tolerate. The song "Baby" sounds like a combination of an orca having diarrhea while free-falling out of an airplane, a bird hitting a window, nails scratching across a chalkboard, a car running over a baby, a baby screaming in the restaurant while you're trying to just relax and eat a fucking burrito, babies screaming at 3 a.m., and a tech-9 being fired directly into one's ear. Never Say Never makes Ben Stein's intelligent-design documentary look like Hotel Rwanda or something else that's really good.

I rate Justin Bieber's music, albums, youtube channel, and videos all 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000001 out of 1,000,000,000 stars, hereby declare them to be most decadent and horrifying tragedy of the modern era, lower than parasitic worms, more reviled than Nazism, the mother of all trainwrecks when the train skipped off the tracks and somehow slammed into a Boeing 747 in-flight. May God have mercy on all of our souls.

Overused memes:

It's 2012, last year of existence.

Well, the world is doomed.




















According to this Mayan calender, the due date for the utter annihilation of all humanity is set for December 21st, 2012, sometime around 4:30ish, so be sure to eat an early last meal if you want dinner. Now, I've been saying this for years; the world is going to end and blah blah blah and you probably thought I was just kidding. Well, I wasn't. Right now, I'm spending a majority of my time putting the final touches on my underground fortress, which is specifically designed to resist nuclear war, meteors, tornadoes, cicadas, Lindsay Lohan's clitoris, and lava. However, if the bunker is covered by a large amount of water and/or dirt, I am so screwed.

My supplies will include:

• - 3,650 cans of pork and beans
• - 8,000 gallons of water
• - A crowbar to kill zombies
• - Weed, man
• - Attractive Russian women
• - A bear trap
• - A manicure set, because there is nothing worse then having to go through an apocalypse with a hangnail

Why we are going to die:
















Alright, take a look at this chart. First, we have the sun, which is slightly larger than Jupiter. Then we have the so-called "inner planets", Mercury, Venus, Earth, and Mars. Our moon, Luna, is also shown, and is smaller than Pluto on this chart for a reason I can't fully explain. Then we have the so-called "outer planets", starting with the purple giant, Jupiter. Then we have Saturn with it's sideways rings, the always innuendo-stricken purple planet, Uranus, then Neptune. Then we have Pluto, which is most certainly not a dwarf planet just because it's smaller than a standard softball. Finally, we have Niburu.

Niburu is also known as Planet X, Tiamat, Nemesis, Marduk, Skyrim, and Shangra-La. Exactly every 4,932 years, the elliptical orbit of this celestial body loops back around to the inner solar system, and will come perilously close to the Earth. This will result in three major happenings:

1. A massive gravitational disruption that will cause major Earthquakes.
2. An asteroid the size of Arkansas to slam directly into, of all places, Arkansas.
3. The Lizard-Men will invade the Earth.





















The Lizard-Men will do battle with Earth's mightiest Amazon warriors, but in the end, will prevail and most likely kill us all. How do I know the Lizard-Men actually exist and aren't just random thing I made up out of thin air for no fucking reason!? It's simple. Think about all those ancient gods that the Akkadians worshiped. The gods were A) Lizard-Men, B) Came from space. Also, there is this:

Does this look familiar? No? Well, it should. What do you mean you've never seen this before? Good God. Go get a dollar bill and look at the back side of it. Yeah. See that? See that weird pyramid with the eye over it? Now, either the Founding Fathers were on acid when they designed that, or it's symbolism for something. Now, look at the picture here. Doesn't that eye look kind of reptilian? The scaly flesh? Ignore the eyebrow for a second and focus on how green and lizard-like that skin is. Hot damn. Basically, what it means is that the Lizard-Men are watching over us, and could kill us at any moment. Now, you may be wondering why they would want to kill a nice civilization like us. Because, we're bastards. We killed Bambi's mom. We eat manufactured food that tastes like other food that grows naturally with money that we got from jobs provided by super-rich evil overlords who exploit child labor in Bolivia, who in turn, grow up to be rapists. We are collectively responsible for Richard Simmons.

We have it coming, in other words.















Happy New Year!