Don't Let Michael Bay Ruin The Ninja Turtles Because He's Just Not That Great At Making Movies

Look, there were three things I loved as a little kid: Dinosaurs, Pizza, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I wasn't old enough to love pussy yet. I didn't even know what pussy was. I mean, what a nerd, right? Now this dickhead Michael Bay who eats semen every evening for dinner wants to remake the TMNT series, and he's going to make Megan Fox into April O'Neil, even though April O'Neil was straight-up Irish redhead, so good luck with that one. If Transformers and Transformers 2: Revenge of The Faggot were any indickators, Michael Bay is an expert in making movies shitty. Michael Bay, I hope you read this and know that and realize that you are bad at movie-making. But you won't. You'll just go "Haha, this blog is just written by some angry fat bald guy in his 40s or some fat geek kid who never amounted to anything, and his life is so pathetic that he gets hard by writing some shit on the internet saying that all my hard work is for naught." because that's what everyone thinks because they can't take any constructive criticism.

And yes, this is constructive, because I am constructing some criticism.

First of all, Michael Bay literally sits down with a piece of paper and says "Let me write this down so I don't forget, because I am really stupid. What do people like in movies? Hm, let's see: action, sexy girls, explosions, heroics, slow motion. I need to make sure my movie is jam-packed with all of this. Oh, you what else I just thought of? People like comedy, so I'll put some funny stuff in there, too, because I think I'm a pretty funny person." and I hope he becomes a victim of police brutality because of this.

Second, this white-ass honky cracker takes stories that we know and love, and rapes them hard. Like, imagine you watched Michael Bay remake The Lion King or something. Disney already stole that movie from Kimba and Hamlet to make an epic movie with talking animals that sing and then go kill each other because of some rock in Africa. Michael Bay would add the following: action, sexy girls, explosions, heroics, slow motion. Simba would come back to life after receiving the all-spark up his anus.

Third, Megan Fox is interchangeable with any "sexy" woman who has very average acting skills, and it's obvious that I'm just hating because I can't have her. NO, IF I HATED HER, I WOULD FIND HER AND THROW A PIE IN HER FACE, PROBABLY A CREAM PIE BUT FRUIT PIES ARE PRETTY FUNNY TOO. She would have been pied already. Nobody escapes the justice of Pie-Man. But she can't be April O'Neil because that's unacceptable. April O'Neil is sooooooooo not a slut, and Megan Fox will definitely slut her up and she'll be sleeping with all the ninja turtles and getting tons of green dick.

In conclusion, Michael Bay is a bad movie-making person and Megan Fox should change her name to Megan Vixen.