Bam. JCG's stamp of approval for Ellen Page's lesbianism. I personally find this turn of events to be rather unsurprising considering that she just gave me that lesbo vibe. I don't know exactly what it was, but I suspected it, just like I suspect Oprah is a lesbian as well. It is my sincere hope that Ellen Page releases photos of her making out with other girls while nude soon, cuz this boner ain't gonna take care of itself, and my girlfriend is in Colorado on a "business trip" where I bet she's screwing her boss, that fucking skank. And if you read this, Paulina, and you don't return my phone calls, I swear to god I will go fucking ballistic. I will shake the foundations of the earth. You better pick up your fucking phone, because I'm tired of your fucking games, bitch.
But uh, anyhow, congratulations to Ellen Page for being gay and stuff, and we here at JCG wish her nothing but the best in her quest for same-sex pussy. However, our sources cannot confirm if she was born a lesbian or simply "converted", which my girlfriend did before we started going out, because we met as friends and then she said she had feelings for me, and I was like well I thought you was a lesbian and then she just kissed me, and JESUS PAULINA I LOVE YOU. PLEASE PICK UP YOUR PHONE. PLEASE.
